dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
