So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
