I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
