The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
