it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
