DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He felt like a one man threesome
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
