Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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