Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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