I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize