21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize