dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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