I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I want a musical about memes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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