:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
