i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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