I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
