You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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