If i come over, it means nothing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
