i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
