So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
