I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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