I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
