I haven't been this sober since birth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
