didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
