So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
