does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
