Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
