used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
