they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
