i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
