Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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