He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
