apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
