Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
