Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
