May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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