I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
