Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
