It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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