Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
