I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
