I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
