when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
