We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
