you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
