in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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