My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Boobs are out for the taking
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
