remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
