You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
