Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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