Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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