i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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