a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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