I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
