I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
