U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize