Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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