my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
