i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
