Just fell off a train. Bad.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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