sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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