Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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