You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
