i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I am morally bankrupt
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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