On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
