grandma shit on top of the toilet
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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