I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
how drunk are you?
Several
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
