Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
