Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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