I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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