Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
